Graceful Transitions : What are they

None of us know what is in our future. How differently I think most of us would be living our lives if we had that insite to the future. Having worked in healthcare for over 30 years I have observed that one thing for sure is that no one can predict what his or her last years, months, days, hours or last breaths may look like. In society we have been groomed to not think about death, not talk about it, for if we do, it will come quickly. I equate that how frequently we may dream that we would like to win the lottery or inherit a large sum of money so we can retire. I dare guess that most of us reading this blog have not won the lottery nor inherited large sums of money so we can quit our jobs. While thoughts about death and dying can feel uncomfortable, scary and uncertain, they can also be loving times being surrounded by our families.

If the transition from living to dying is left to chance and circumstance, they can be sterile and lonely with rising emotions between family members. If planned well, they can be smooth, peaceful and graceful in the end. All too often a lack of understanding, planning and education lead to reactionary decisions. Is it really too difficult to think about what each of us would want if we could choose our ending? Learning about hospitals, nursing homes, and end of life decisions will not speed up our own mortality. Openly discussing, learning and educating ourselves and our loved ones on end of life topics will only prepare us well for this journey.

I welcome you to come along on my journey to share information about Doula’s, End of Life Topics, Hospitals and Nursing Homes. In this blog I will share my observations both personally and professionally on these and other topics. Healthcare alone is it’s own language, journey and environment. Adding in complex decision making and not knowing the medical language can set families up for an unpleasant and fearful experience. My goal is to share my knowledge and expertise so that when our life’s journey nears the end, we are not afraid and are comfortable in the plan we have in place. Thus we can have a Graceful Transition.

Life's Journey

It fascinates me that when our lives begin, we have so much support and guidance given to those that are helping to bring life into the world. We have many elders that will guide us down the road of birth and offer advice on the best way to care for a newborn child. This is in addition to all of our friends, who cannot wait to be supportive and offer their input and suggestions on whatever obstacles we will face. There are so many new products to “try” and all are geared at improving our experience with a new baby. One can go to any bookstore (new or used) and find a multitude of books or manuals to guide us. Not to mention, there are medical specialists available to assist us in anyway possible.

Historically as we age and head towards our own mortality, or support loved ones on theirs, there is not a plethora of support or information available. Friends shy away from visiting those sick or nearing their end of their life journey. The same level of support is significantly lacking for both the person on the journey and those family and friends who are caring for the loved one. There has not been enough “talk” or “openness” about the subject, therefore, it’s awkward and uncomfortable for all.

We need to start to look at death differently. It’s a journey that we shall all go down one day. It’s unfortunate that during this time there is not more of a celebration vs. sorrow. Yes, we will be sad when we lose a loved one, however, why do we not focus our mind on all the wonderful memories we have had with this person? We should focus more on the legacy of the person’s life and shine the light on all the happiness they have brought to family and friends over the years. I think that if you were to ask most during their last weeks of time, do you want me to cry over your death or celebrate your life?; most would choose a celebration. I myself, would not want my last moments to be surrounded by loved ones crying hysterically over me. Do you remember how you feel when someone you love cries? That depressing and sad energy is transferred from one to the other. Think about happiness and those feelings. If others are happy and upbeat, that same energy is transferred to others you come in contact with.

I challenge you, no matter your age, to think about how you would want people to react when you are passing. Do you want them all sad and sorrowful? Do you want them to feel awful and terrible? I think most people would want friends and family focusing on the best of times, the happy times. You can have a graceful passing ,if ahead of time, you have set the expectations of how you would ideally like to transition. I would not say that dying is a “passing”. If someone passes we can feel like we are leaving someone behind as we move forward. Dying is a transition, a process of changing from one state (physical) to another state (spiritual). Our loved ones remain along our journey, we do not leave them behind, they are with us always, just in another state.